Damn My Ex 

john and i had been engaged for a year and a half.  work was slow, so i came home a couple of hours early.  i walk into the living room, sit on the recliner, and see a clear VHS tape case on the end table.  i figured he rented us a movie.  how sweet, right?  turns out, not so much.

that’s when i look up at the TV.  the one i bought him for his birthday.  there’s a video in, and it’s on pause.  if you remember the old video cassettes, you know the pause wasn’t really that clear like it is today.  squinting and tilting my head a little, i realize there’s a woman giving a guy a blow job on the screen!

i’m not against porn.  i don’t really get into it, but i’m not against it.  just be upfront about it, right?  i only think that’s fair.

i sat there, looking at the fuzzy picture for a while before i go looking for john.  boy, will he be glad to see me!  i finally found him, in the basement, switching a load of laundry over.  he froze when he saw me, and turned white, which is quite a feat considering his african coloring.  he finally closed his open jaw, asked me if i could finish the laundry while he went to the bathroom, and bolted up the stairs past me.

it took a while, but the whole sordid details finally came out.  he had quite a collection going by now.  my question was where he got them all.  he had rented a p.o. box behind my back and had had them delivered there.

to this day, i am confused as to how bad that video had to have been in order for him to stop watching it and go switch his laundry over.  must’ve been some laundry.